Psalm 1:1-2

Chris and I often talk about that window of time between deep sleep and full cognition and the things that go on in your mind during that time, whether it be seconds or sometimes as long as an hour or two. This morning I felt that old familiar nudging in my mind.

"Draw near to me," he said.

The world has gotten so crazy. Everything seems off, evil seems to be winning over good. The globe has become smaller during the pandemic, as everyone who shares it has now been tied together through the virus. Social media has spread to all corners, and for the first time in history, I, we, any of us can hear the thoughts of evil without even searching. It can creep into our homes through our phones and computers and fill our minds and souls without any effort or consideration at all. It's happening. It's changing us. And it's terrifying.

"Draw near to me," he said.

At 51, nearly 52, Chris and I find ourselves overwhelmed with the restaurant. God showed up big during the pandemic, and we saw blessing after blessing, small miracle after small miracle. He has provided. He has made a way, yet the struggle that seemed to have gone away has proven, once again, to have just been dormant and is now back with a vengeance like an incurable cancer. How do we find employees, good employees? How do we manage the volume God has blessed us with? How do we keep customers happy through the chaos? What do we do with bad reviews? Do we grow? Do we sell? Do we just close up shop and consider it all a learning experience?

"Draw near to me," he said.

God's voice still you.

Satan's voice rushes you.

God's voice leads you.

Satan's voice pushes you.

God's voice reassures you.

Satan's voice frightens you.

God's voice enlightens you.

Satan's voice confuses you.

God's voice encourages you.

Satan's voice discourages you.

God's voice comforts you.

Satan's voice worries you.

God's voice calms you.

Satan's voice obsesses you.

God's voice convicts you.

Satan's voice condemns you.

I've only heard God's audible voice once in my life - loudly - in the room, not just in my mind. He said, simply, "Look at me." Three times, he said it, as loud and clear as the clicking of the keys on my keyboard now. I think of the times God spoke to people in the Bible, and each time it is follow by God telling the person to not be afraid. There is reason for that! It scared me so that I was in shock for days, weeks, months after. It's been nearly a year now, and it is something I still think about daily. I've asked God many times what it means and why I heard this so clearly, in a voice that seemed to whisper yet thunder at the same time. I knew he was saying to draw so near to him that I could look at him, and though I thought about it nearly every day for the past year, it never really went any further than that. Until today.

"Draw near to me," he said

So back to this morning, the window of time between sleep and conscientiousness, I conversed with God in my mind, asking Him what He means by this. And this is what I heard:

There are two paths of thought with every person every day. We all start each day with our minds having two tracks, the track of God and the track of evil. When we do not intentionally set our minds on the track of God and simply go throughout our day on our own, trying to manage everything on our own, going here and there, working, driving, golfing, shopping, whatever it is that we do throughout the day, when we go at it alone, we go at it away and apart from God, which, by the way (and by very definition) is evil. The list above, all the things of Satan's voice is what I feel throughout each day, and it is because I am not setting my mind on the track of God. I am not drawing near him every hour of every day. I do not seek his counsel as often as I should. I am not connected to the vine, yet I'm trying to grow beautiful fruit without my source. Why can't I remember this?

"Draw near to me," he said.

So I couldn't lay there any longer. I rolled to the side of the bed, swung my legs to the floor, and propped myself up. The sermon series we had before Easter, "Cross Talk," came to mind. The series was all about the things Jesus said leading up to the crucifixion. It seems Jesus quoted the Psalms ... alot! So I thought I'd grab my bible, go to the back porch, and start with Psalms 1:1 to draw near to God, as he was asking.

Psalms 1:1-2 - Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.

... on his law he meditates day and night!

In my bible, I have notes, and mine says this about Psalms 1:1-2:

____________

In the Old Testament God encourages his people to meditate on him, his law and his works - with the goal of focusing attention on God's reality and seeking to develop a sense of his presence while growing in trust, reverence and joy. With Ps 1 as an introductory psalm to the collection of psalms, the entire book of Psalms revolves around helping us commune with God. Jesus regularly engaged in personal prayer and meditation, as did the Christians in the early church. Through personal quiet times we cultivate a sense of peace in a world of unrest, develop a close relationship with God, prepare ourselves for important decisions, obtain strength for Christian living and receive God's direction for our lives.

____________

I know everyone is different. Everyone is on a different path and has been created by God uniquely. For me, at an early age I remember God drawing me to him. I remember specific moments sitting on my bed... the room, what it looked like, how I felt, what I was doing, my actions. I remember specific times of non-importance, like when I was standing in a neighbor's kitchen talking about a 4-H project. I remember the day I was exploring the woods behind our house, and I sat down on a large rock to wait on my sister to come back from her own expedition. I remember standing in our rickety barn, petting my horses's neck, brushing his mane. I remember sitting on the bench in front of the library on campus with light sprinkles coming down. I remember being at a ladies retreat in Denver, not wanting to be there, and I was nudged so hard by God that I left in terror of what I felt. I remember sitting on a commuter plane with two little boys under the age of 5, looking out a window on my way from Denver to Enid.

Each of these times, and many others, I remember the feeling vividly. It was odd, unrecognizable and indescribable really. I only knew it was something spiritual in my soul. God nudging, drawing, speaking in a whisper. For me, I know God was asking me then and begging me now to draw near to him. I let the world distract me so easily. I go days without prayer, meditation, and without opening his Holy Word. Why? Because I don't start my day choosing between the two paths before me. Rather, I go my own way, which is, by default, not God's path. The opposite of God's path is Satan's path. The path that rushes me, pushes me, frightens me, confuses me, discourages me, worries me, obsesses me, condemns me. It's not intentional. It's just not God's path, the path that stills me, leads me, reassures me, enlightens me, encourages me, comforts me, calms me, and convicts me.

I know God is taking me through a season of solitude. It's a season of a quiet, simple life. It's a season without social media, large congregations, entertainment and travel. It's a season of simplicity, reflection, meditation, and drawing near to Him. It's a season of the Psalms, and it starts today.

It's a season of looking at Him. Only.